Unexpected
by Kuroeia
Summary: [Haruhi x Kaoru] Sometimes Renge's ideas aren't as bad as they look. Also known as the fic in which Haruhi tops Kaoru for entertainment purposes.


**Challenge: **'Musical'

**Rating:** K+ for a kissy

**Characters: **Haruhi x Kaoru (also contains mild implied Twincest)

**Wordcount: **1107

**Notes:** Written for a challenge at the Ouran Contest community on LiveJournal. Yes, I am aware that in canon Haruhi cannot sing. Those of you who know me will also know just how inviolate I hold canon-- I have zero moral objections to defacing it mercilessly for the sake of enterainment.

So, enjoy! XD

**xoxox**

_**Unexpected**_

**xoxox**

Tamaki couldn't sing.

Haruhi could, and Kyouya could, and Kaoru definitely could. Mori was decent, and Honey was adorable enough to make his irritatingly edgy tone acceptable. Hikaru was average, but made up for it by being a fantastic actor.

It would work, Renge supposed.

Those Lobelia snots were going _down._

xxxxx

"Are you sure about this?" Haruhi asked dubiously, fingering her ornate doublet and staring at Kaoru.

The dress suited him, oddly enough. With his auburn wig trailing to the small of his spine and his eyes tastefully shaded with cosmetics, he looked painfully beautiful in the graceful rosy creation Renge had stuffed him into. Even his tissue-stuffed chest was easy to accept as natural when he lowered his long eyelashes and let his lips part slightly. He made a damn fine woman, and no mistake.

"Oh, yes," Kaoru replied gently with a soft smile. "Please don't worry about me."

Haruhi raised an eyebrow. It was unsettling how easily he settled into the role of a wealthy middle-class _ojousan_.

She had somehow landed the role of the prince in the musical, without trying for or expecting any outcome but total rejection. Kyouya was the evil sorceror attempting to interfere with their love. Honey played Kaoru's best (female) friend, while Mori and Tamaki stayed backstage working the sets and special effects. Hikaru had a bit piece as a narrator of sorts, which disgruntled him just a bit.

"Kaoru, I should be the only prince for you," he grumbled, folding his arms in an admirable parody of a pout.

Said twin brother swooned with startling skill, languishing across the room until he rested against his brother's shoulder. "Hikaru... you know you are the only prince for me. All else is but artistic falsitude."

"Such wise and lovely words," Hikaru whispered, tilting his brother's chin until their lips came within tantalizing inches of touching. "Where did you come across such wisdom?"

"Contemplation of your fathomless eyes," Kaoru responded without missing a beat. "The secrets of the universe hide within your irises, oh my brother."

Haruhi rolled her eyes. "Why don't you just cast Hikaru as the prince and have done?" she demanded, fidgeting in her tights and poofy trousers.

Renge shook her head adamantly and tilted her finger at Haruhi. "Oh, no. That wouldn't do at all. You clearly have much more talent as a singer, and the chemistry between you and Kaoru is wonderful!" she sang delightedly.

"...And the chemistry between Hikaru and Kaoru isn't?" Haruhi asked doubtfully.

"Of course it's wonderful! However, everyone has already seen that. For this occasion, we need something... special."

"What occasion?" Haruhi snapped, uncomfortable. "It's the middle of April, there aren't any holidays or special days around there."

Renge shook her head, the very image of patient exasperation. "Not a holiday, silly. The event of the host club putting on a musical."

"But you said the musical was to celebrate a special event!" Haruhi yelled, mildy outraged.

Renge tapped her chin with a finger and looked considering. "I did indeed. It's my birthday on the seventeenth. Any more arguments?"

While Haruhi gaped like a fish out of water, the rest of the Host Club took the opportunity to shake their head genially and smile. "No objections. We all want to see Haruhi as a prince as well."

"Wonderful!" Renge exclaimed happily. "Practice starts tomorrow at eight o'clock in the evening! Come in costume!"

xxxxx

The audience was going to love this, Haruhi reflected with bemusement as she bent Kaoru over her arm. Even if the kiss was fake, it would still send them off into throes of fangirly and fanboy-y delight to see two handsome 'boys' even pretend to kiss.

"Oh my princess," she sang (she had zero expression while speaking, but singing was a different and wonderful story), "wilt thou allow me to caress the parted flower of your lips with my own?"

"Oh my lord," Kaoru simpered, "there is nothing in this wide world wich would make me happier!"

It was really frightening how easy he found it to pull this sort of thing, Haruhi mused as she leaned down. It was almost as though he was used to being a woman in other areas of his life which Haruhi refused to think about.

A practised three-quarters of an inch from his mouth, she stopped. To the audience, from their angle of sight, it would look at though they were passionately kissing even though they were hardly touching at all.

At least, that was how the theory went. The theory did not account for Kaoru reaching up and threading his hand through her hair to pull her face down for a real passionate kiss, with tongue and everything.

Haruhi tasted lipstick, and wondered mistily what on earth had gotten into Kaoru. It wasn't that it felt bad-- it didn't, not in the slightest-- but it was confusing. It was so abundantly clear in every other moment of life that Hikaru was the only one Kaoru wanted, and yet... the sweet press of his lips and gentle coaxing of his hand in her hair said otherwise in no uncertain terms.

The audience exploded in a deafening chorus of fannish shrieks. Renge smiled with deep satisfaction.

Confusing or not, it was hard to resist the girlish curve of Kaoru swooning in her arms and the absolute surrender of his lips to hers. Haruhi felt oddly powerful, as though there was a real sword hanging at her hip rather than a fiberglass replica and a real set of knight's honour codes imbedded into her blood rather than just a memorized list for a play. Hardly conscious of what she was doing, Haruhi wound her free arm around Kaoru as well and really kissed him back.

The audience's decibel level rose to 'deafening.' Haruhi didn't hear a thing.

Finally, they broke the kiss and turned to bow at the audience while Hikaru furiously snarled "THE END" and glared at everything within eyeshot.

The thick red velvet curtain swept gracefully across the stage.

"Bravo!" Renge wept joyfully, hugging both of them with appreciative tears streaming down her cheeks. "Bravissimo!"

Haruhi ignored her, choosing instead to look at Kaoru, who blushed demurely at hid behind an ornate hand-fan that he had seemingly produced out of nowhere.

She didn't understand... but for some reason, she wanted to try it again some time when there were less distractions. She wanted to really pay attention and figure out why Kaoru's total submission did such weird things to her insides.

Later. Not now. But sometime.

For _sure._

**XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX**

**A/N:** Er. Hope you liked it? This was written at four in the morning with a considerable amount of good Okanagan wine flowing through my veins. (As a wonderful reviewer on LJ put it, it worked for Hemingway.) Forgive any incoherencies. ♥


End file.
